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Math Joke/Trivia Question

Q: What discounts does captain Jack Sparrows enjoy when he walks in a bakery shop?

subQ1: For which bakery does he get a discount?

subQ2: How much of a discount does he get?

A: He gets a special pi-rate. So he can have 3.14 percent off for pies.

Positive temperature is for the weak and the remedies

It’s been four years since I moved to Canada, but the length and depth (and width) of winter still got me. As the old saying goes, for every other season, there is a winter.

Now it is the second winter, at the beginning of which, weaklings like me who are too ready for positive temperature caught bacteria and fell sick and such.

I finally recovered from the recent cold, attacking the salmon on my dinner plate eagerly (finally no more chicken noodle soup, yay), “I just realized that I have been lied to for all these years, I thought I was a northern girl born in the spring, but apparently I was from the south born in the middle winter of the three winters.”

“Well, depends how you define spring, by temperature or by the date.” My husband, nerdy as he is, suggested.

“Yeah, it also depends on how you define south and north, Hong Kong people think everybody from anywhere except Guang Dong province is from the north. And Beijing people think everybody from south of Beijing is from the south. But actually, that definition only works for people from Shanghai, where the government draws a line to determine if people can get heat or not in winter. So the southern Chinese survives cold better because although the temperature doesnot drop below 0 that much, the house is colder than the outside. ”

“I see, I should turn off the heat in the house to train you then..or you can join me on this jump into Lake Michigan on New Year’s day thing” My hubby happily suggested.

I shivered, “Ur, no, see, if I wanted to be trained, I would jump into Lake Michigan every day after August, it is like boil a frog with water, if you start with cold water, the frog will gradually get used to the temperature and get cooked, if you just throw a frog into a pot of boiling water, it will jump out.”

“Not if you put the lid on quick enough. As you are from the frog university*, you must know that.”

“…”

*I am from a Chinese university that it is apparently so hard to pronounce that every foreigner that comes to give a talk will start the speech with “I am very honored to be invited to give a talk at the frog university.”

Girls’ five sexiest instants v.s. Guys’

Girls:

1 Just after shower, with water dripping off her hair.

2 When she is looking at you adoringly.

3 Crossing her arms in front of her chest.

4 Wearing her sweetheart’s shirt.

5 Preparing a table of dinner for her lover

Guys:

1 Washing dishes after breakfast

2 Washing dishes after lunch

3 Washing dishes after dinner

4 Washing dishes after midnight snack

5 “Honey, leave it there, I will wash it later.”

Spikier and spikier — living in a dream

Rumors are that there coexist three type of magic players: spiky, Timmy/Tammy, and Jani,

I began the journey of getting stuck of the abyss of attractive potential of this game as yet the other type: “the thing I do for love” (as I would prefer to tag along to the tournament instead of staying at home alone.) and the type that just like to open packs (It is definitely a kind of lottery… but at least I get the enjoyment of playing with what I pull for quite some time).

Very occasionally I might home brew a deck, with the sole purpose to beat my husband’s deck and disregard all the other possible overwhelmingly bad matchups. So I guess I am sort of Jani as I don’t like to find a decklist and tweak it to perfection.

Moving to a more competitive environment and starting to win some prizes at Friday night magic (My major involvement in this game) has changed me. I become spikier.

My husband has always been spiky. It is like I am married to a cactus and become Mrs. cactus and start to grow my own needles.

Prized at a grand prix with very narrow margin after my opponent called a judge for 12 minutes because I did not reveal my morph on time. I found the following conversation very amusing,

Judge: “Is your sole intention to give your opponent a game loss?”

My opponent replied in French and all the rest of the conversation is in French. So I never knew the answer.

I ended up getting ruled in favor, as he called the judge one minute too early. But I finally learned the lesson and began to play as a grown-up and seriously pulled the card out of sleeve and such.

No, I never wanted to be that spiky.

I think I want to be more like a rose, with needles to protect myself. Understand the rules better, so that if I have encountered an opponent that would try to win the games without using the magic cards even, I wouldn’t have done anything wrong to provoke that.

I knew I was getting spikier: began to dream one day I could go to the pro tour.

I stopped being upset if my lost is not related to my game play.

I started to think about my possible misplays even if they did not cost me the game.

I decided to stay in the main event even if I was out of the day 2 requirement because I wanted to train my stamina, to be able to make judgements when I am tired.

I decided to play in the sunday super series even though it is another 9 rounder and the prize was not ideal. (the fact that I ended up open the most expensive card in the set and ended up dropping and wacky drafted the rest of the day was another story, not that spiky yet.)

But, yes, I began to be thirsty for victory. Just being the lucky girl opening value cards does not satisfy me  enough any more.

I am living in a dream now, a dream that I will need to force myself to learn how to play constructed.

Hole in the Ground

Q: If you jump into a hole in the ground that is hundreds of meters deep, what shall you do to get out?

A: I will need a needle to drill a hole in my head, and let the water flow out until the hole is filled, then I can swim out.

Q:Why is there so much water in your head?

A: If there isn’t, why would I be jumping in the hole in the first place?

Love and Marriage

Boy: So what kind of person you want to marry?

Girl: If I love him, I will marry him even if he is only a millionaire. I don’t like him, if he is a billionaire, I will marry him.

Boy: So all in all, you want to marry somebody rich. What about me?

Girl: You? As long as you can feed me full.

Boy: Do you eat much?

Girl: No, just a little.

Arithmetic Joke

Me: If it takes 3 minutes to grill a lamb skewer, how long does it take to grill 4 lamb skewers?

Hubby: 12 minutes.

Me: You are silly. Who will grill lamb skewers one by one?

Hubby: If it takes you half a minute to eat a lamb skewer, how long does it take you to eat 20 lamb skewers?

Me: 10. I am not as silly as you!

Hubby: Ok. Here are 20 lamb skewers. Eat them in 10 minutes.

Me: Yippy!

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