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Physics joke part 2

Q: Once upon a time, the islands of Lilliput and Blefuscu were overrun by llamas, sheep, and zebra. Uncountable hordes of these goat-like creatures overran the islands and consumed most of the farmers’ crops. The farmers were distraught, and turned to our friends the quantum field theorists for help. After much experimentation, the quantum field theorists created a recipe for a potion that would solve their quadruped problem by causing the pests to scatter across the surrounding islands in the archipelago. What did they name this recipe?

A: The LSZ reduction formula.

physics joke

Q: In every civilization there are farmers, and there are people who predict harvests. For example in Canada, Statistics Canada predicted wheat output will drop to 27.5 million metric tons from a record 37.5 million in 2013. On the islands of Lilliput and Blefuscu,what would we call these forecasters?

A: These forecasters are known as quantum field theorists.

Physicist Joke

This is a true story.

Background information: as people may have guessed now, I am probably working on some sort of high energy theory. To be very specific, I am a string cosmologist.

Q: Why would I get an invitation to give lectures on skin and hair care?

A: Because they think I am a cosmetologist.

Math/Physics Joke

Q: What do you call a group of rampaging rats?

What do you call a swarm of berserk mosquitoes?

A: Killing vectors.

The Group (to the tune of the gnome by pink floyd)

I want to tell you a story

About a little group

If I can.

A group named SU(2) Yeah.

And other groups around the globe.

Raising, lowering, biding their time.

She had an algebra,

An adjoint rep,

It looked quite good.

She had a big adventure

Finite reps

Of all sizes.

Structure constants useful for all.

And then one day – hooray!

Another way for groups to say

Hoooooooooray.

Look at the quarks, look at the leptons

Isn’t it good?

Look at the quarks, look at the leptons

Isn’t it good?

Winding, finding places to go.

And then one day – hooray!

Another way for groups to say

Hoooooooooray.

Hooooooooooooooray.

hep/string theory joke

Q: What would a superfood preparing company call their secret bbq technique?

A: Scatering meat tricks.

Girl’s clothes shopping logic

Cute, buy it.

Limited, buy it.

BelovedĀ is paying for it, buy it.

Don’t have that color yet, buy it.

The stripe is slightly thinner than the one at home, but it.

The flower is larger than the one at home, buy it.

It is not cute but it is distinctive, buy it.

There is always a deep voice in the head, buy, buy ,buy.

Don’t know what is the use of this, but having a gut feeling to buy it.

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