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My Unbreathable Wedding

January 19, 2012

I have never wanted to work so hard to lose weight, but I insisted ordering a wedding dress two sizes smaller than I was measured to be. And we were in Hong Kong, a place perfect to gain weight instead of losing, food from all cuisine to eat, great transportation, plus nobody wants to stay one second more than needed in the 100% (maybe even more) humid outside. And our friend just visited us and we went to so many restaurants I can feel fat dripping off me, and there was a banquet before that in a conference..I was doing exercise according to all kinds of bloggers before going to sleep,  and gathered a list of food that has fewest calories per 100g, basically I only allowed myself to eat cucumber and mushroom and fruits, and I even went to the gym to walk the calories off. I measured myself every single day, sometimes twice a day, and refused to eat dinner if I happened to be gaining weight. It was a crazy month.

But it all paid off, when I was back to fit into the dress, the dress was so big for me that it had be taken in for a couple inches. The second time, I felt the way I dreamed as a princess, or described in the romantic novels, like one of those noble ladies, who need maids to pull strings on her waist to squeeze herself into the some dress for some ball for some king.  But walking down the isle with the possibility of the dress burst up at any second did not please my mother-in-law, and with her insistence, the dress would be let out a quarter inch (or we thought). The final time,  we went there in a hurry, and she said we did not need a final fit, besides the dress was pressed (dont know what that would mean, but sound important). So we took the dress back and wedding day was on its way.

As a bride-to-be, I was commented as particularly calm, by the people who did my nails, and the people who pulled my hair up, and all people who have seen me during rehearsal.. it seemed that I was not nervous or excited at all…. until we tried to put the dress on me.

There was such a huge gap between the two side of the zippers on my back that my mother-in-law almost fainted, she confessed murmuring something like she is not going down the isle, but fortunately I heard nothing of the sort, and could not see the zippers either. It seemed that the dress was taken in a quarter inch instead of let out some.

I took off the undergarment, and all the people in the bridal room were on me. Two people pulling the dress together, one bringing the edges together, and one was in charge of pulling the zipper up, inch by inch or micro meter by micro meter, It was simple for me actually, I just had to empty all the air out of my lungs and hold there..

Ages later, the dress was on me as a miracle. But I could not move, nor breathe. I felt I was breathing like a fish thrown ashore, except each gulf I took was only 10% of the air I would normally take in.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good, except I cant breathe”, I whispered without daring to move my lips..

“You should eat a bar and drink some water”

“Uh.. I cant”, but I listened and took baby bites like a true highborn lady.

“Do you want take a rest and take it off and put it back on before the ceremony?”

“NO!!!” I made a face of yelling, I knew I would never be able to make it back in if I ever get out of this.

“”You should sit down and have a rest.”

I tried, but since sitting squeeze the fat towards the waist, I found that rather difficult, and stood up again.

“You should sit a while and then stand up, you will feel better since sitting is worse.”

That made me smile, and I had to practice sitting anyway, since I cant eat dinner standing.

Everybody got some safety pins in case the dress exploded while I was walking.

But it all did not matter any more, when I saw my husband standing there, smiling at me, it never occurred to me anymore that I was in some dress half an inch smaller than I could ever be. Some of the guests asked me, “How do you feel? I heard about the dress.”, I was like, “oh my, now you mentioned, I guess I was not breathing much, but otherwise I had a great time”.

In the end, I was even dancing crazily in the dress. It might be totally worth it to stop breathing for a while for a half inch more cuteness.

But here is an advice to the brides: TRY YOUR DRESS BEFORE THE WEDDING

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6 Comments
  1. I’m in the same boat. My nightmare is looking like a beached whale at my wedding so it has been extreme dieting for the past few weeks. Hopefully I am as successful as you. If my dress doesn’t zip up on the day, I will most likely faint. Only positive, at least I will be knocked out that way I can’t keep eating haha

  2. Good luck!! You will definitely succeed. But remember to try it on before THE day. Also probably not drinking too much the day before, I heard something called “water swollen fat” could become a factor.

  3. Sounds like a breathtaking wedding. ;). I am glad that you were able to enjoy yourself despite being in a tight situation.

  4. Ok. Glad your wedding turned out ok.

    I’m past wanting a wedding…I’ve been with dearie for past 22 yrs. he’s divorced with 2 adult children..so wedding shy, but happily monogamous with me.

    And oh, consider cycling as a lifestyle, it’ll help keep weight off for awhile or when your metabolism slows down later.

    • The only thing that matters is that you are happy! That is what the wedding dress in the box for, keep me fit….

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